


Beets

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe-Non Magic, First Kiss, French Remus, Friends to Lovers, Jewish Remus, M/M, Mistranslations, Sixth Form, Slow Burn, fic based on art, modern marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 17:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6576325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a short homestay in France, Sirius gets to know his host family, in particular the adorable Remus Lupin.  When he attempts to cook them dinner, however, a slight miscommunication leads to...revelations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beets

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to, and based on Ran's post [HERE](http://unranunculus.tumblr.com/post/142446935404/unranunculus-an-american-friend-of-mine-was-in) about the poor bloke who went to France and asked for beets, not knowing that bite (pronounced similar to beet) is slang for penis. 
> 
> I'm sat in London right now waiting on a long layover to Tel Aviv so don't expect any more updates, but I was inspired to write this whilst I was bored out of my mind and dealing with family rubbish so it really cheered me. See you lot properly on Wednesday.

“You’re fucking mad, Sirius. Your French is shite.”

From his spot lounging on James’ bed, Sirius shot double Vs at his best mate. “Fuck off, James. My French is brilliant. And it’s only for a couple of weeks. Besides, how else can I get better if I don’t immerse myself in the culture.”

“So go on holiday and shag some French boy and let him teach you all the brilliant phrases you don’t know already.”

“I’ve already signed up, already have a host family and everything. And I’m going to look into culinary schools there because what better way to be a proper chef eh? Than get a French education.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” James said, but his tone was fond. “I’ll miss you.”

“It’s only a few weeks you bloody child,” Sirius said, but he rolled over and beamed at him. “I’ll miss you too.”

*** 

Sirius was a mess of nerves when he was picked up by Hope Lupin. His French really was a bit shite, and after cocking-up the introductions, she laughed and gave him a hug.

“It’s alright, Sirius, we speak English. We can help you practise.” 

Sirius let out a huge breath and sagged in the seat as he climbed in her small car. “I want to try,” he said. “I do.”

“It’s fine, really. My son, he’s your age you know? You’ll be at school with him and he can help.”

Sirius smiled. “Mille fois merci, Hope.”

She gave him a short pat. “Pas de quoi, mon fils.”

Sirius felt a strange burning in his gut at that. Because his family was such shite, and it turned out, he was learning quickly, the Potters were not an anomaly. It was really only his family that was rubbish, and he wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse.

He didn’t have much time to think on it, however. They arrived at the Lupins’ which was a rather nice block of flats in Paris. 

“Remus and John will be home in a few hours,” Hope said, showing Sirius to Remus’ room. It was quite small, smaller than his at the Potter’s, and far smaller than his at Grimmauld Place, but it was cosy. There was a bed by the window, and a camp bed set up on the far wall which he took as his own. Remus’ walls were covered in band posters, photos of mates, shelves of books. He had a few flowers growing on the windowsill, and a small fishbowl on his writing desk which was covered with empty teacups and stacks of drawing paper with sketches. “I asked Remus to tidy but…” Hope trailed off.

“It’s fine, really,” Sirius said, setting his case down. “It’s brilliant. Er… c’est très magnifique.” When she giggled, Sirius flushed. “Was that wrong?”

“You’ll get it, mon petit lapin.” She gave his cheek a fond pat. “Why don’t you have a rest until the boys get home, yes? Then I can make a cup of tea.”

Sirius nodded, and watched as she headed out, closing the door behind him. Sirius let out a breath, then began roaming. He inspected the books first, half in English, half in French. A lot of them were old seventies sci-fi novels, and some cheesy romances which made Sirius chuckle a little. Checking out the photos, Sirius was fairly sure he’d worked out Remus. He looked quite a lot like his mum, the same large nose and overbite, and the amber eyes. He had very dark-tawny curls, wild when he wasn’t covering them in a beanie. He was good looking. Incredibly good looking, in fact.

Sirius almost gasped when in one photo Remus was with his mates, arms slung round them, a massive rainbow flag painted on his cheek, and one behind him. The photo looked a lot like pride, and Sirius’ heart began to thump.

If he was going to be sharing a space with a ridiculously good looking, not straight French boy…

No, he stopped himself. He was not here to pull. He was here to check out culinary programmes and work on his French and possibly consider his future.

Moving along, he went to the bookshelf and saw a few more photos. One looked like Remus at his bar mitzvah—wearing a kippah and his tallit, stood next to his parents looking embarrassed but proud, and another of him looking much older holding a letter up that Sirius couldn’t read.

He was curious about the drawings, but Sirius didn’t want to pry, and he didn’t think it would be fair to snoop into those without asking first.

Instead he flopped down on the semi-comfortable camp bed, arms behind his head, and dozed off.

*** 

“…non! Pas faim, ma—” The voice which startled Sirius awake cut off with the flick of a light, and Sirius sat up, feeling a bit daft and confused.

Scrubbing his face, he came face-to-face with the teen in the photos. He was wearing baggy jeans, and a green apron from a supermarket job. He stared at Sirius, a bit gobsmacked, then his face lit up and he laughed.

“Sirius?”

“Er. Oui,” Sirius said, not sure how much English Remus knew. 

“Salut,” Remus said, and extended his hand.

Sirius scrambled to his feet. “Er. Er…bon…nuit?”

Remus chuckled. “My mother says you need a bit work, yes? On your French.”

Sirius blushed again, and ran his fingers through his fringe, brushing it to the side. “A little bit, yeah. Sorry. That’s you know…why I’m here.”

“It’s okay,” Remus said, his hand lingering on Sirius’. “We’ll make it easy for you, yes? At classes. You’re coming to my college with me?”

“Ah yeah,” Sirius said, scratching the back of his head just under his plait. “It’s going to be horrid.”

“My friends are very nice,” Remus reassured. “Anyway my mother has tea if you like, and we’ll eat soon. I ate at work, but she will feed you and feed you. She’s Jewish so it’s in her blood,” Remus added with a wink. “Guilt and cooking.”

Sirius tried hard to focus on the words behind the accent, doing his best not to swoon because it was so cute, along with literally everything about Remus, and Sirius had never in his life ever felt so insecure. Back at school he was suave, he could pull any time he liked. In his last year before Uni he’d revolutionised the LGBTQ+ scene at Hogwarts. And now what? He was a shy, shaking mess in the face of adorable curls and a French accent.

James was never going to let him live this down.

“Thanks,” he muttered, then shook his head. “Merci beaucoup.” 

Remus winked, making Sirius’ stomach drop to his feet as he said, “Je t’en prie.”

So as not to make a fool of himself, Sirius hurried out of the room and said a prayer these few weeks he’d be able to keep it together.

*** 

And for the most part, it went well. Sirius did better at French in the classes, though when he was with Remus and his friends, they slipped into English more than anything which stalled his progress. But it was hard to complain about it when they were all great, and he got those wide, adoring gazes from Remus.

By the second week he was half sure Remus actually fancied him a bit. They stayed up late chatting, laughing, shared small touches at the flat, and at school. Remus would lean into his ear, speaking quietly so only Sirius could hear, never mocked him when he had phrases wrong.

The Lupins were just as amazing as the Potters—different but no less kind, and Sirius found himself profoundly jealous and hurting that he’d got such rotten luck when it came to family.

It was with that in mind he decided that he wanted to use the skills he’d learnt over the years of amateur cooking, to make them something delicious. He decided on some roasted chicken with veg, and a nice beet and goat cheese salad.

Gathering up what money he had, he made his way to the little supermarket round the corner, where he knew Remus worked a few days a week. Getting a little basket, he headed for the butcher, carefully finding the kosher cuts of the chicken, then headed for the produce.

It was there he saw Remus, and burst into a huge blush as Remus walked over. “Padfoot,” he said, having heard James call him that once over skype and unfortunately it had stuck. “What are you doing?”

“Er…” Sirius nodded, determined to do it right. “J’aime faire la cuisine. Je veux cuisiner pour toi.”

Remus giggled a little. “D’accord.”

Sirius scratched the back of his neck. “Okay er…je besoin de carottes, et chou frise, et une petit oignon, et….” Sirius bit down on his bottom lip and wracked his lexicon but couldn’t think of the word so just said it in English. “Une petite beet.”

Remus instantly went pink in the cheeks. “Bite?” Remus repeated, and Sirius nodded. “Je ne comprendes pas. Bite?”

Sirius nodded, then carefully drew a figure in the air of a beet root. “You know. Red and…like this. Beet.”

Remus stared, then merely turned and walked away.

Absolutely confused, and maybe a bit hurt, Sirius just carried on himself, and eventually found all the ingredients. He found a nice bit of goat cheese for the salad, and then brought it back to the Lupin’s.

Unloading in the kitchen, Sirius turned his head and was met by Hope’s warm smile. “What are you doing, Sirius?”

“Cooking,” he said. “I thought…if it’s alright. I got kosher chicken and everything.”

Hope walked over, giving Sirius’ hair a ruffle, then kissed his cheek. “That is very sweet, darling. Thank you.”

Sirius tried not to think of Remus’ strange rejection as he prepared everything. He peeled and put the beets on to boil, then let them cool as the chicken baked with potatoes, onions, and peppers. When it was finished, he put together the salad, it nearly all finished just as John got in.

Sirius felt his stomach sink a bit when Remus didn’t show up at his usual time, and he had to wonder if he’d done something horrible. Maybe he’d flirted too much. Maybe Remus was just tired of him being there. Was cooking for a family offensive? Remus never did it so…

“You seem distracted,” John pointed out as Sirius poked at his meal.

“Ah. Just…I think I’ve upset Remus and I’m not sure what I did.”

“He’s a strange boy,” John replied even as Hope smacked him on the arm. “He is! He’ll talk to you, I’m sure.”

Sirius was not convinced, but sent the Lupins to the lounge when it was all over, and went back to the kitchen to prepare a plate for Remus just in case. He was just finishing up some of the dishes when the sliding door to the kitchen opened, and Sirius turned to see Remus stood there.

He was still a bit pink in the cheeks, and shuffling his feet. “Sirius?”

Sirius scratched the back of his head. “Hi. Look I’m…sorry. If I said something stupid at the supermarket. Or if you’re tired of me being here or…”

“I…it’s fine. It’s alright,” Remus said. He eyed the salad and the chicken. “It looks good. What is it?”

Sirius poked at the dish still holding the chicken and veg. “Nothing complicated. It’s chicken with potatoes, onions, and carrots. And a salad. Kale, beets, and goat cheese.”

Remus went still again as he eyed the salad. “Kale,” he said slowly. “And…and beets.”

Sirius shrugged, then held up one of the beet tops. “Beets.”

After a second, Remus startled Sirius by bursting into laughter, doubled over, shaking his head with tears on his face. He was speaking in French so rapid, Sirius didn’t have a prayer of understanding him, but after a moment, Remus looked up, swiping under his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Sirius. I am. It’s only…the French word for these is betteraves. Bite is…” He swallowed, looking away again as he flushed. “It’s a word for erm…the er…” He made a vague gesture toward his crotch. “You know.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide, and he took a horrified step back. “Oh my god. Oh. Oh so when I said it…and I drew the…” His finger waved in the air in a shape that he just realised looked like the head of a cock. “Oh. My god.”

That set Remus off again, who giggled and turned his face away, bending toward the counter. “You were speaking in French only so I thought…I thought you were…asking me to give you my you know…bite.”

Sirius couldn’t take the embarrassment, and rushed past Remus, heading straight for the room and hoped Remus wouldn’t come in for a while.

He didn’t.

*** 

It was an hour later, and Remus finally poked his head into the room, holding two cups of tea. “Are you angry?”

Sirius glanced up from his phone, then shook his head. “Mortified. Horrified. I don’t really have words in any language for what I am.”

Remus bit down on his bottom lip, looking absolutely adorable, and he slipped in, closing the door with his foot. “I didn’t mean to laugh at you. It wasn’t your fault and I feel bad. So I made you tea. Proper English.”

Sirius took it, giving Remus a careful nod of thanks and took a sip. “It’s good, thank you.”

Remus sat down on the edge of the camp bed, and cocked his head to the side. “Please don’t be embarrassed. You know I would make some very bad mistakes in English if I was there. But I think you’re nicer than I am, and would maybe not laugh at me that way.”

Sirius shrugged, then muttered into his mug, “You’d be surprised. My friends are shite.”

“But you’re not,” Remus said, reaching out and squeezing his ankle. “I’m sorry.”

“No I…” Sirius wondered if he was more embarrassed that Remus laughed at him, or that he was horrified at the idea Sirius was coming on to him. “I’m used to it,” he said, being very candid for a moment. “My family…they’re not very kind. I got kicked out for being gay. It’s only my brother who isn’t shite about it. My cousins are…well cruel when they see me now. They laugh at me, not in a nice way.”

Remus’ face immediately dropped. “I didn’t know that.”

“No, I never said,” Sirius replied with a shrug.

“Is James your erm…boyfriend?”

Sirius choked on his tea and cleared his throat. “God no. No. He’s my brother, really. His parents took me in.”

“Well I…” Remus looked at him. “My parents took it a little hard, you know? When I came out to them.”

“Gay?” Sirius asked.

“Bisexual,” Remus replied. “I had a boyfriend last year. Not very long, but…my father didn’t…understand,” Remus said quietly. “But he got better about it, and now he’s just happy if I’m happy.”

“I like your parents,” Sirius said very softly. “And…I like you.”

Remus stared at him. “You…I…?”

“I’m leaving in a few days and I don’t mean to make it awkward, but I do,” Sirius said, feeling bold suddenly, realising it couldn’t get much worse than asking the man for his cock in the supermarket, then being laughed at for it later. “I fancy you.”

Remus stared, then broke out into the most brilliant smile Sirius had ever seen anyone wear ever. He quickly said something in very rapid French, then reached out and grabbed Sirius’ wrist, tugging him close. “Kiss?”

Sirius blinked, then felt his throat go tight as he nodded. Although he was asked, and warned, he was still taken by sudden surprise when soft, slightly warm, slightly wet lips met his. The kiss wasn’t deep, but it was wonderful, making his head spin and his hands come up to clamp down hard on Remus’ shoulders.

When it was over, he pulled back, feeling daft and dazed and so wonderful. “Mon dieu,” he breathed.

Remus laughed, pushing his forehead against Sirius’. “Mm. But you’re leaving in a few days. What does this mean for us?”

“Well,” Sirius said, his hands coming up absently to play with Remus’ soft curls. “I want to come back. I want to be a chef, and go to school here. I want to hold the record for most Michelin stars and open a restaurant and buy a motorbike, and…date you.”

Remus’ cheeks were pink for a whole different reason now. “And I can help you with your French. No more bites.”

Sirius laughed and kissed Remus one more. “Well…maybe in the future?”

Remus laughed. “Alright, so long as you don’t make it into a salad. Because I can think of many, far better things to use them for.”

Sirius kissed him slow and careful, pulling him close and smiling right up against his lips. “No. For that, only betteraves.”


End file.
